Surrogate Baby - Jacob March 12, 2011

born March 12 9:47 am. 7 lbs 11 oz.
I am so glad to have had the chance to bring this sweet little person into the world. He is precious and will be loved more than words could describe. Welcome to the world Jacob.


I thought all along that I would have no problem writing up a birth story at the end. This has taken me many tries to get my thoughts into words. It is so personal and such an emotional journey. It is far more emotional than I ever expected. I sit and think about the baby and seeing him in his parents arms, seeing them cry happy tears every time they looked at him, seeing how grateful they were to me(and my family) for taking care of their baby for these past months. They are truly a part of my family and have a piece of my heart and always will.

Friday morning I woke up and just didn't feel right. I dropped the older girls off at school and headed a few towns over with Sarah to run some errands. We finished our shopping and headed home. I called my husband at work and told him I was feeling so exhausted and to make sure he kept his cell phone on if he left his office "in case". I went home hoping Sarah would nap so I could sleep for a while, but no such luck. We played for a while and I made sure everything was all set for me to go to the hospital. We left to go pick up the girls at school and I had a few random contractions. I called my mother who lives a few hours away, and told her I thought the baby planned to come in the next few days. She joked that it couldn't be today until after she picked up her new car. We got home and I helped the girls with their homework and fed them a snack. Alison commented that I didn't look great and I told her I thought maybe the baby planned to come soon. I emailed my husband again telling him how super tired I was (and secretly hoping he could make it home early so I could rest). My contractions stopped altogether somewhere around this point and I figured the baby decided to stay for a while more. I made the girls dinner, my hubby came home and I went up to lay down for a while. My husband got the girls to bed and brought home some dinner for us. We just sat around talking and watching tv. Around 10 I headed to bed, still no more contractions. Sarah had been sick all week with a cold and woke me up around 12:30 am coughing. I went in to check on her and get her back to sleep. I felt a contraction and headed downstairs to see if anymore were going to follow. They were coming every 4-5 minutes and were pretty strong. I woke up my husband and he told me go back to bed and wait and see. I decided to call my Dr and see when he wanted me to head to the hospital. He called back and said "now!" I called my babysitter to start heading over and then called the parents. They couldn't believe it was time and the mad dash to get their rental car and drive the 3-4 hours here began!

Once our sitter arrived, we headed out to the hospital. I was getting nervous, which is crazy because I have done this plenty of times before. By the time we got to the hospital, contractions were about 3 minutes apart and really strong. We got registered and I was brought into a triage room to monitor the contractions. After a few contractions, they realized this was real and put the pressure on the staff to get me checked in ASAP. I was brought over to L&D. They had a nurse in the room the entire time just for me which was nice(my other deliveries we ended up chasing them down to get them to come in for anything). My contractions kept picking up in intensity and were mostly in my back which was not a good feeling. Around 5, my Ob checked me and said I was at 8 and that the baby would be there within the hour. I called the parents to see how far away they were and they still had an hour and a half to go. Lucky for them and not for me, the nurse had me lie back and on my side which stalled my labor. I ended up staying at 8 cm even with the excruciating contractions. The parents arrived around 6:30 and we waited. The OB decided to hook up some pitocin where I hadn't progressed in a while. The contractions managed to get stronger which I thought was not possible. After a while I started having one solid contraction and told them to turn off the pitocin. The nurse decided to check me and realized the baby was ready to make his way out. I started pushing and it seemed like he was born only minutes later(I have no idea how long it actually was). He came out crying and squirming and it was a great feeling. I looked up and saw his parents crying. The look on their faces made me realize this was exactly why I did this for them. They went over to the warmer with the baby and the OB started trying to get my body to deliver the placenta. After a long time he upped the pitocin again and ended up beating the placenta out of me, literally. A few stitches later and I was finally done. The baby was getting his first bottle and it was funny to watch. It took both parents to coordinate the feeding. The nurses brought the three of them to their room and I stayed in L&D for a while longer so they could watch me. My husband left to go get my girls so they could come see me.

I finally got situated in a maternity room and my husband and older girls got there. We decided it would be easier for Sarah to stay with my mother so she wouldn't get upset seeing me then leaving me. The parents and baby came in to visit and my girls were in awe of the baby. They got to hold him and Heather brought her camera to snap a few pictures. It was a nice visit and good for my kids to see the baby with his parents. My family left and I spent the rest of the day resting and had a few visits with the baby and his parents. They spent a lot of time in my room with me which I appreciated and they left the baby with me for a while so they could sleep and go to a baby care class. I was looking forward to some cuddles with him alone but I learned fast that it wasn't the same as your own baby at all. he fussed most of the time and I could not get him to calm down. I was glad when they came back to take him! The next morning the OB on call came in and told me I was anemic and that "maybe" I should stay. I told her I would prefer to leave and she agreed I could as long as I took it easy at home. My parents picked up the older girls from my house for the day and hubby and Sarah headed out to come get me. The parents were staying in the hospital and extra day and they came in with the baby and they were crying and telling me they couldn't imagine saying good bye to me that day. They gave me a beautiful necklace so I could wear it and think of them and the baby. I got some last minute snuggles with the baby and a lot of hugs from them and then my husband and Sarah were there to take me home. It was hard to leave them there and to know it will be a long time before I get the chance to see them all again.

The first week at home was an adjustment for me. I had convinced myself all along that I would come home and bounce right back into my "normal" life. Much easier said than done after a year and a half of focusing on surrogacy and being pregnant. I was feeling rough physically which wasn't helping and everyone seemed to have vanished from around me. I thought everyone didn't know what to say or was afraid I would have a break down, so they avoided me. My husband reassured me it was that everyone was trying to be thoughtful and giving me space to rest and recover. I'm still not sure which it was. I wasn't sad about the baby and not one part of me wanted him home with me. But I was missing his parents and being pregnant. Luckily, they were thoughtful and made sure to email and call me often with quick updates, baby questions and to see how I was. It helped me feel better to know I wasn't going to be pushed away now that they had their baby. Week two came and I felt much, much better. Back to myself physically, fitting back in normal clothes(which helped me feel human again) and back to myself emotionally all the way. I am glad to be back into my every day routine and to have my energy back so I can be there for my own kids 100%.

This was a great experience and a journey I will never forget. I feel blessed to have been given the chance to do this for another family. I think it also helped bring my own family closer together and hopefully taught my girls something about helping others.


holding him for the first time

just born 7 lbs 11 oz 9:47 am

saying good bye before I left the hospital