Told ya so

I am not one to say I told you so. Usually. There was a group I belonged to for a few years online. I fundraised for them for 3 years, raising money for LTN and other things. Then I voiced concern on a member who was constantly asking for money and gifts for her son with cancer. The red flag went up for me on day one with this woman. Her story didnt add up. Everyone I mentioned it to told me I was crazy. A friend of mine got this child through a program where you send things to cancer kids. So he must be legit, right? I decided to just not worry about it anymore. His mother started demanding things from my friend who had her child and I emailed this program. Right after he was kicked out. I was told they never checked on him and he wouldn't be allowed back in. So still this other group wouldn't believe it. They kept her in for another 2 years. Letting her and her friends post asking for help. People kept giving. No matter how much her story made no sense and her facts clearly didn't match up. I brought it up again when the board was switching to a new name. I was asked to help run the group, and said sure. Then this woman got mad and said she wouldn't be on it if I was in charge. Because she knew I knew she wasnt telling the truth. They asked me would I do the work secretly so that this woman wouldnt put up a stink. I politely(ha!) declined. I was bashed, yelled at and booted from the board.

Well, I get an email today telling me that CPS has come into her home, is charging her with Munchausen by proxy.

Now can I say told you so? This is what happens to groups that mean well but their heads get too big for their own good.

I attached the letter I was sent since several people have asked me about it. I am not saying that anything in it is fact, just pasting the letter I got.

Here is what I know, it is very long. How do you wrap up three years in a short letter?

I am sorry everyone

First off, let me tell you this is very difficult for me. I loved Tiffany and those kids. They were a huge part of my family for the last several years. I met Tiff through Friends of Allie when it first began. We immediately hit it off, or so I thought. We spent hours on the phone together talking about anything and everything. I confided in her and in the beginning trusted her with my life. Around April of 06, she told me their house was being foreclosed on if they didn’t pay the entire mortgage payment that was a couple of months behind (I don’t remember how many months behind it was). I was told the amount was $800 a month. My mother and I paid $450 and I contacted Jenny Scott. Tiff told me that (edited out charity name) paid for one month that was behind. People donated towards the mortgage and Kelly gave them her family’s vacation savings. All together we were told we saved the house. During the last year and a half a lot has happened with Parker, medically speaking. There were all kinds of issues that happened to him before Tiff told me he had cancer again. Honestly, I can’t remember all of them. I know there was talk of pre-leukemia, major bruising episodes and major fluctuations in his blood sugar, indicating possible diabetes. During this time, I was the one posting most of the updates for Tiff, along with some of her other friends on the boards. Parker’s birthday is in September and Tiff said she wanted to throw him a party to remember because he was so sick. She indicated that it might be his last birthday and we wanted to make this one special. I contacted Magic Time Machines corporate office and they agreed to provide a party room and pay for Parker’s family’s meals. I drove to Dallas the day of the party, one day after I broke my foot, and was there to help them celebrate. In July, Tiff called me and told me that Parker had relapsed. We were on the phone for several hours crying with each other. She indicated that the percentage of him beating it was very low, but we were not going to believe that. She told me they had found tumors in his stomach that were lymphoma tumors. Shortly after that conversation is when she told me they were going to sell their home back to the owners before them and move into her grandmothers home. This meant they had to completely remodel in order for Parker to be able to live there. I was told the first contractor just left them high and dry and walked off the job one week before they were supposed to be out of their old house. We scrambled trying to get things done for them. My husband’s ex-wife lives in Dallas and works for a CPA. She contacted a homebuilder who is one of their clients and he agreed to meet with Tiffany. They ended up agreeing to help and things were again set in motion. When December rolled around everyone was in a panic because they had to move out of their house. They finished the house shortly before Christmas. My family went to Dallas on December 22nd to help them finish up the last minute jobs around the house and help them move in. We left on Christmas Eve to go spend the holiday with my family. Then on the 27th I went back to Dallas. I was there until January 6th. We worked non-stop every day on the house. From 8am until 2 or 3 in the morning and by the time I left it was almost done. I went back to Dallas several times after that to visit and in February, or maybe the very end of Jan., I went back to Dallas to pick up Madi from Tiff. She said Madi had been staying at the hospital with them for days because her mother was taking care of sick relatives. I said the hospital was no place to have to take care of a 4 year old, plus this was when she said Parker’s central line had gone into his heart, he had developed a septic blood infection and he was facing more surgery’s. I spent the night at the hospital with Parker, Tiff and Madi that night. When the nurse came in at one point to tell Tiff something about his surgery on Monday I asked if they were going to remove the tumors too. They both just looked at me and I shut up. The next morning I hugged Parker and Tiff and left the hospital with Madi. That was the last time I saw Parker.
On the way home Tiff called me and she was very upset and said they had called a care conference for the next day with the doctors, nurses and social worker. Then the next day she called me and was not happy. She was cussing about the nurses and doctors and telling me I wouldn’t believe the things they were accusing her of. I asked her about the tumors (because she also indicating this would be an informational meeting on developing the next plan of action) and she said the tumors are gone. I asked about the cancer and she said it was gone. I said is it in remission and she just said no it is gone. I didn’t understand, but kind of thought what do I know. If she says it is gone it must be. And I was praising God it was gone. To me that was such a miracle, but she wasn’t rejoicing, She was angry at the way she was treated. That was also when she told me that they needed to find their new normal for Parker and they told her that meant cutting all ties with the cancer world, including Friends of Allie. That Parker needed to redefine his life with primary immune deficiency and not cancer. That was when I first got a little suspicious, but I quickly pushed it the back of my head. After all, she was my friend and I knew this family. She called me later that evening asking what would happen if she signed Parker out of the hospital AMA (against medical advice). She wouldn’t tell me why she wanted to know, only saying that she was pissed. Then later, in another conversation, she said it was because they told her he had to stay another weekend to have surgery on an abscess in his mouth and she wanted him to get to go home first.
Madi stayed with me for almost a week and Brandin drove to Austin to pick her up. Parker was released from the hospital and started going to a different hospital for his IVIG treatments. Tiff said he was doing really well, but she was having trouble in her marriage. She came to Austin in March and stayed with me for a couple of days. I took her out with my friends here to get her mind off of Brandin. I really started struggling with things when she was here because something felt "off". She talked about Brandin maxing out their credit cards and draining her bank account. She said she was overdrawn because of him, but every time she talked about it she said a larger amount. She even told all of the ladies at dinner how she was so afraid of how she was going to take care of her babies and have electricity. I felt, and found out later they did too, that she was asking for money. I did give her money before she left, I didn’t really want to, but I had told her that I would pay for her gas. Plus, I already felt guilty because she wanted me to go back with her to Dallas and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She said she didn’t think she could survive the night with Parker in the hospital (he was going for IVIG) knowing that Brandin’s girlfriend was in town and at his house. And on top of all that, I didn’t really know why I was feeling uncomfortable.
When she was on her way home we talked on the phone. She had asked me before she left to post about what was going on with Brandin and let everyone know Parker was doing good. On a side note, she asked me to post for her a lot claiming she just couldn’t say the words or she just didn’t have the time. I was writing the post while talking to her and I said, you spell Brandin’s name with an "in" not "on" right. And she said, "Why, Tarah you better not be looking up shit on my husband or I am really gonna be pissed." I was shocked. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. However, after her comment I became even more suspicious, maybe because of my criminal justice (almost) degree.
A few days after Tiff got home she called and asked me where I was and when I would be back home. When I told her 30 minutes she said that would be too late. I asked her too late for what and she said she needed a letter for the attorney so CPS could finally release the case. I asked her what she was talking about and she started said what, I can’t hear you and pretended like she lost the connection. I tried to call her and e-mail her for two days with no response. During that time I called Medical City to try and see what I could figure out from the social worker. I told them I was concerned that something was going on because Tiff was so mad the last time she was there and I knew in my heart that something wasn’t right. The social worker said that they couldn’t give me any information other than to tell me that they know the family very well and that they too are very concerned. Finally I called Brandin and told him about mine and Tiff’s last conversation. He said well I don’t know anything about an attorney and I am not sure what she needs the letter to say, but basically she just needs a letter so CPS can close the case. I told him I didn’t know anything about a CPS case. He said oh, and paused for a good 30 seconds. Then he told me that when Parker was at Medical City his regular head nurse was gone and they brought in someone else who butted heads with Tiff. He said this nurse got mad at Tiff and called CPS claiming (his words) "Tiff was using Parker for her own emotional support, kind of like Munchausen’s". He said that on top of everything else the Dr. had to lie to CPS and say Parker never had cancer. The reasoning behind this was so that CPS didn’t have to investigate out of the county (at MD Anderson, since they claimed Parker had been treated there this time too) because the Dr. knew of a case where they removed the child from the home because of having to investigate in multiple counties. Then he said that CPS showed up at their house with pages off of Parker’s website and he said, "I found myself having to lie to them". I don’t remember much more of my conversation with him. I was just trying to take in all that he said to me.
Tiff called me about 10 minutes after I talked to Brandin. She said that he was a dumb ass and didn’t know what he was taking about. She said the nurse didn’t like her because she was complaining about them doing things at the wrong time, like starting his IVIG and taking his blood sugar. She said they were supposed to check his sugar levels right after he ate and that the nurse was waiting too long and had asked Tiffany why they are checking it at all because it is always normal. She said that was because they waited too long. They she said that they called the care conference and She said that the CPS paperwork only has a limited amount of boxes they can check when someone makes a call so they had to pick Munchausen’s because it covered everything from a mother hurting her child for attention all the way to a mother who has a critically ill child and no support. I have studied Munchausen’s in depth and I had never heard this before. Then she said that CPS has been there a couple of times and that they told her the charges were completely unfounded and that they had to do a couple of things before they could officially close the case. She said they had to complete a parenting quiz and if they failed had to take parenting classes, have (I think she said) 1 more home visit, and they wanted letters showing that she had a support system. Then she said she wasn’t sure if they needed the letters anymore or not. She also told me that the Doctor’s office had told them what to say to CPS because they had been through it and that the Doctor was pissed at the nurse and even took it to the ethics board at the hospital. She said the Doctor didn’t lie he just didn’t want to "let the cat out of the bag." Then after CPS had copies of something (I don’t remember what she said they had) she called the Dr.’s office pissed because they had done what they were told to do and CPS still found out. I asked her about Parker’s cancer and she said "honestly Tarah, he has had it, not had it, so many damn times, I just don’t know anymore." We talked for a long time and I am sure I am forgetting a lot of the conversation right now.
I talked to their CPS worker the next day when she called me. She asked me a lot of questions and we talked for about an hour. One of the most shocking things she said to me was in response to my story about Tiff mentioning CPS. She said, so did you ever write a letter. I told her no I hadn’t sent anything to them and she said well this was written to Mrs. Hays. I told her I hadn’t written anything and only learned there was for sure a case the day before. She read me the beginning of the letter to be sure I hadn’t written it. It said something along the lines of. To whom it may concern, Tiffany Hays is one of my best friends in the whole wide world. She went on to ask me if I had a son with a form of autism. She said that the letter also said something like, I have a son with a form of autism and I am absolutely incensed at the lack of care and support Mrs. Hays has received. The letter had been e-mailed to Tiffany and she had blacked out the return address. She told the worker that I did not want to be a part of the investigation. The worker was very concerned because she had a stack of letters all done the same way.
I didn’t want to believe that Tiffany would lie to me, or to anyone for that matter. I didn’t want to believe that I could be that naïve. I learned over the next few days that the hospital contacted CPS because they learned Tiffany was telling people Parker had cancer. I don’t know when they were first contacted. Maybe it had something to do with our conversations when I was at the hospital. I realized after everything that Parker never said anything about having cancer and I didn’t ever talk to him about it. I hope that means he didn’t know what was being said about him. I do believe in my heart that Parker had cancer the first time. I know he was at MD Anderson and the Ronald McDonald house. I do believe he has the primary immune deficiency. I also know he does have a port for meds and a g-tube. All of these things I have seen. I want so much to believe that I am wrong and I try all the time to find reasons, but there aren’t any. I have heard too much. I was told that if the contractor wanted to press charges that their attorney could contact CPS for the information. I could have pressed charges also for her forging a letter to a government agency in my name. How could I do that though?
I have since found out that the house that she claimed was being foreclosed on was never in their name. The same owners have had that house for many, many years. There are several public records I heard about that anyone can find. I do not want to go into that, you can look if you like.
To close things up, when I first found out what was going on I didn’t know what to do. I knew that if I said anything I would lose them all. I kept hold of my emotions for a while, but I got to the point where I just couldn’t even answer the phone when she called. On Mother’s Day the kids called me and left me a message telling me Happy Mother’s day and that they loved me. I saved that message because I knew it would be the last time I heard their little voices. The next day I wrote Tiff an e-mail. I expressed me feelings and let her know how hurt I was. She was such a huge part of my life that when my grandmother was in her last few hours on earth I was telling her to ask God to make Parker better and that we aren’t ready for him to leave us. I told her that it hurt me to know that I was spreading her lies to everyone, and those moments spent talking to my grandmother about Parker’s cancer could have been spent telling her I loved her instead. I told her I trusted her and I believed her when she told me that Parker may not make it until his next birthday, so we had to make that one special. I believed her when she said that this might be his last Christmas, so we had to work so hard to make sure he got to come home in time.

I believed her, I trusted her and I loved her. So when she never responded to me again, I was heartbroken. I guess I thought if she really was my friend that she would have at least said she was sorry, or even that she needed help. She couldn’t have honestly thought I would have said no. But, when she found out that I knew what was going on, that was it for our friendship. Leaving me to form the opinion that once she found out she couldn’t get any more money out of me, there was nothing else left to talk about.

I also want to apologize to everyone. I feel like some of you may have gotten attached to Parker because of my updates and I am sure a lot of you gave money like me because I helped ask for it. I feel horrible that I spent the last seven years of my life working towards my criminal justice degree and I became involved in something like this. It really made me question myself and think how can I be good at my job if I can be played (for lack of better word). I am also sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.

If I left anything out of this 5 page novel I will try to answer your questions. Unfortunately, it may be hard because I can’t seem to wrap my mind around why and it doesn’t look like I will ever get that one answered.